Risebell the Star Psycher - Yu-Gi-Oh!

What the hell are those demon dog things?

This is actually not the first Risebell. Their is another counterpart that first appeared in Lord of Tachyon Galaxy, called Risebell the Star Adjustor. In both cases though, the TCG got it wrong. In the Japanese, the card's name isn't Risebell, it is Risebelt. You know, like the stellar cluster known as Orion's Belt. And this guy is connected to the stars. This was apparently lost on the TCG, since they went with Risebell, missing that crucial -to at the end of the Japanese name. The only other explanation is that they had originally translated it correctly, but were worried it might be misinterpreted as some kind of weird euphemism. Then again, just about anything in Yu-Gi-Oh! can be turned into a euphemism, and the tail between the legs in the art undermines the whole sentiment, so it's still kind of a stupid reason, but one that at least doesn't insult the intelligence of the translators.

And the other part of the the name, Star Psycher. The original Japanese translates roughly to Star Awakener, which conjures in my mind Risebelt tapping into the unused potential of the stars and bringing it out. But the TCG decided for some reason that psycher is a better word (because it's a psychic monster, har, har), which now just conjures the image of Risebelt giving the stars a pep talk, trying to get them riled up for the game. In short, it's a needless change that takes away any mysticism or mystery behind the card.

Skelesaurus - Yu-Gi-Oh!

Jurassic Park of the Living Dead.

I pick on the translators and localizers for the TCG, but occasionally they actually make good decisions. This card is an example of that. While Skelesaurus in the TCG, the OCG version has a different name: Natural Bone Saurus. What. Seriously, this is a phrase I have never heard used in my life. I think I understand why its specified as Natural Bone though. Most dinosaurs fossils aren't the actually bones. They're fossilized, meaning all the bone has been replaced with rock and sediment. That's part of why in GX the Fossil monsters that show up are specified as Rock monsters. Here though we are dealing with the actually bones, as opposed to rocks shaped like the bones.

Still, the Japanese name is odd, just because it sounds unnatural. And this isn't even an artifact of translating the Japanese; the OCG card name is actually in Engrish. The TCG translators must have realized all this, and therefore decided to come up with a new name. Hence the portmanteau above. The English name in my opinion actually sounds better than the Japanese one, thereby proving that not all change is necessarily a bad thing.

Terrene Toothed Tsuchinoko - Yu-Gi-Oh!

Watch out for snakes.

This is an odd case. The English name, as shown above, is Terrene Toothed Tsuchinoko. The Japanese name however is Tsuchinoko. The TCG actually added adjectives to this card's name. What. Just what. Why in heaven's name would you do this? Usually the TCG is removing words from a name, either because it's too long for English or because the Japanese name is redundant, listing the name in both Japanese and Engrish. For example, if you translate the name of Jellyfish from the OCG, you end up with Jellyfish - Jellyfish, since the card has both the Japanese word for jellyfish, followed by a pronunciation of the English word jellyfish. This card is the complete opposite though. The TCG is adding words that were never there.

The words they added are equally strange. The first word is terrene. I actually had to look this word up, that's how often it's used. The definition I got links it to the word terra, meaning earth, making the definition worldly or earthy. Yes, it was very important that they tell us this monster is earthy, less we look at the art and it's attribute and confuse it for a sea-dwelling monster. The second word is toothed. Well, you can see the two top fangs. Barely qualifies as toothed though. Maybe the toothed part refers to the spikes this version have, but then why not just say spiked? Is the alliteration that important? I would have been fine if it was just Spiked Tsuchinoko, since the illustrations and descriptions I'm finding don't usually depict this guy with spikes.

Now, what exactly is a tsuchinoko. The tsuchinoko is a mythological snake-like creature, different from snakes in that it's often depicted with a bulge following the head. After that description, reports of the tsuchinoko start to wildly diverge. Some say it can actually jump. Others say it can speak. Some say its poisonous. Others say it has a propensity for alcohol. The claim that's my favorite is that it can swallow its own tail, then travel around by rolling in a hoop shape. Unfortunately, the tsuchinoko has reached cryptozoological status, meaning amateurs with cameras go hunting for it and report seeing it when alone or in blurry photos. I don't wish to sound demeaning, since things like the coelacanth do pop up, but sadly most people in the field of cryptozoology have no idea what they're doing and only have the vaguest notions about what science actually is.

Ghostrick Yuki-onna - Yu-Gi-Oh!

She's a snow spirit, hence the exposed legs.

Before we discuss the change, what is a yuki-onna? Bloody terrifying, that's what it is. Yuki-onna are spirits and/or demons in Japanese folklore that often appear in snowstorms as a woman in white. Seeing her is very bad, because it usually means you are about to freeze to death. Despite the unfathomable horror though, Yu-Gi-Oh! takes a yuki-onna and makes it look adorable. In general, that's what the Ghostrick do, take horror monsters and concepts and turn them into a goofy band of misfits all living together. The ability is a nice fit too, freezing the monster who destroys it.

So, what did the TCG change this time. Here is the original Japanese art.

Oddly no objection from the TCG to the skirt length.

Don't notice the difference. In the Japanese version, the snowflake in her hair resembles a six-pointed star, with two overlapping triangles and a circle in the middle. In the TCG, the snowflake is redrawn to look more realistic, probably to avoid any religious connotation. My opinion on this change is mixed. On the one hand, it is a minor change and hardly noticeable. On the other hand, it is a minor change and hardly noticeable. Why change such a minor detail that no one notices? What doesn't help is the reason for the change is ridiculous. It's a bloody geometric pattern! Even if people did interpret this as a reference to Judaism, what is wrong with that? It's not portraying the symbol in a negative light, nor is it advocating the religion that uses it. Its not offensive or demeaning, and it's not propaganda. So, whoever is in charge of localization, please explain to me; What is wrong with this?

Battlin' Boxer Rib Gardna - Yu-Gi-Oh!

I can't help but notice the neon orange cup.

This card raises an interesting debate regarding its name. I'm not talking about the Burning Knuckler -> Battlin' Boxer thing. As far as localizations go, this actually isn't a bad one. Why they felt they couldn't use Burning Knuckler though is beyond me. When Rib Gardna was first spoiled, fanslators were translating it as Burning Knuckler Leverage Gardna. But the translation the TCG seemed to go with was Burning Knuckler Ribbage Gardna. Due to certain Japanese practices, like the l and the r thing, both translations are actual possibilities. If I had to guess, Ribbage Gardna though was probably the original intention, but there is still an interesting lesson in all this.

Next thing I want to talk about is the ability. In the card game, this guy has a blink effect. Blink effects temporarily remove a card, often your own, from the game. The usefulness of this ability is that it allows cards to dodge removal, whether targeted or sweeping. This is actually a useful ability, one that conveys the idea of the Gardna taking the blow for your guys. However, that was not Rib Gardna's anime ability, not even close. In the anime, Gardna redirects an attack targeting it to another monster you control. It is also an anti-Exceed monster (yes, I know its Xyz, but the fanslation is an actually word and is spelled the way you would pronounce it), detaching all Materials from the attacking monster. This is a general trend I do not get. If you are going to make a card with a totally different ability, why not just make it a totally different card? Why not print Rib Gardna with its anime ability, then print an original Battlin' Boxer monster with this ability?

Baby Raccoon Ponpoko - Yu-Gi-Oh!

THIS IS NOT A RACCOON.

It's the new year, and my resolution is to actually work on this again. I'm looking at the TCG release of Shadow Specters, mainly to call out and poke fun at the localiztion. Which brings us this little guy. In the OCG release, this guy wasn't a baby raccoon, but rather a baby tanuki. Tanuki is a Japanese word that has special connotations and meanings in Japan and absolutely no meaning in the US. First, a tanuki isn't a raccoon, but rather a similar looking animal, called a raccoon dog. They have similar face shapes and patterns to raccoons, but raccoon dogs are often stockier and don't all have the repeating ring patterns on the tail. Since nobody in the US knows what a raccoon dog is though, translators often purposely mistranslate it as a raccoon. The two are similar enough that nobody notices the difference.

Tanukis also feature prominently in Japanese folklore. Similar to how Native American tales have magical trickster animals like Coyote, Japan has the tanukis. They are said to be shapeshifters, often impish and prankish and nature, but their tricks are meant to do any real harm. Often times, tanukis can be helpful animals, loaning money to those who need it (though make sure it's not just leaves), or helping drunkards reach home safely. Some have even become patrons of the theater.

This card references one particular aspect of the tanuki: the drumming. People would sometimes report the mysterious sound of drumming where no drums could be found. These sounds were attributed to tanukis drumming on their bellies. Here, the artist decided to skip that and just show a tanuki with a drum strapped on. This is said to be a baby tanuki though, so maybe its belly isn't big enough for acoustic accompaniment and it's wearing the drum for practice.

Ability wise, it's a Call for Family. In the Pokemon TCG, some Pokemon had an ability called Call for Family that allowed them to summon Pokemon from the same evolutionary line. While the ability here isn't as restricted, any Level 2 Beast will do, it's clear what the intention was, Ponpoko pounding on his drum to call for the aid of his tanuki brethren. Flavor wise it works.

One final note I want to make is the name. I already pointed out why raccoon is an inaccurate translation, this is referencing something clever the fan translators did. For awhile, fans were calling this guy Tanukit Ponpoko. Tanukit is a portmanteau, two words smashed together, in this case tanuki and kit. A kit is most often used to refer to a young fox, but the term can be applied to other species, including the raccoon. Whether the term can be used for a baby raccoon dog as well I'm unsure, but I thought it was really clever what they did, and I find it sad that the TCG translators weren't as clever.

Gimmick Puppet Egg Head - Yu-Gi-Oh!

I refuse to stoop to making egg puns.

Besides printing previously OCG exclusive cards, the Number Hunters set printed new cards from the anime. And the TCG was going to be the first one to print them. A lot of the cards in Number Hunters were originally published in the TCG, and then later released for the OCG. Usually its Japan who gets the cards first before anyone in the states does.

So this guy was from the anime, used by the slightly psychotic IV (pronounced four, it's Roman numerals). The US version calls him Quattro, because they thought somebody with the name IV was stupid. Personally I find someone with the name Quattro more stupid, but that's me. Some changes from the original. The card in Japanese is Gimmick Puppet - Bomb Egg, but that had to be changed, because you can't have the word bomb in a game for children. Another change is the ability. You now have to discard a Gimmick Puppet monster instead of any card, in order to make sure you play the card with its archetype. Okay, no real complaints.

Also, you now have the ability to make it Level 8. This requires a bit of set up. In the anime, IV does make this guy Level 8, but that was due to another card, Level Cross, called Level Doubler in English because you can't have the word cross in a show for children. Rather than print that card, and to boost the power level of the first card, they gave the egg the Level 8 effect directly. This type of change I have less of an issue with, since it still pays attention to and acknowledges what happened in the anime.

Art wise, this guy is creepy, all the Gimmick Puppets are. Look into those soulless eyes, that emotionless expression. He also has appendages that remind me of a mannequin (and those wooden figures you pose in art class), with abnormally long arms that nearly touch its feet. The antique looking wig is also a nice little touch. Overall, this guy will haunt your nightmares.

Battle Warrior - Yu-Gi-Oh!

This caption needs three exclamations!!!

Battle Warrior, aka Grappling Warrior Ultimator, was one of the Japanese cards that was never printed in the TCG. Recently, this has changed. In the US, they decided to do another special set, five card packs with all foils, featuring cards previously unpublished in the TCG. That set was Number Hunters. For some reason, they decided to sneak this guy in the list and get it in print.This raises one big question: why?

A lot of the cards from the OCG that are missing from the TCG aren't printed because they are very weak in today's environment. Had they been printed much earlier, their inclusion would have been fine, but today they are woefully out of place. Players didn't seem to be asking for them, since nobody was going to play them. So what's changed? My guess is collectors have started asking for them. Collectors don't like knowing there's a card exclusive to the OCG that they'll never get in the states. Yes they know its weak, but they still feel like they're missing out on something. I am personally happy that this card is seeing print, then again I'm also happy when a card from the anime finally sees print. Twin-Tail Cat Lady! Somebody make it happen.

Back to the card itself. Battle Warrior appears in the art of two other cards, Sneak Exploder and Small Stopper. Those cards however only exist in the anime. This card has also made anime appearances, mostly in the second series (not GX, there was a Yu-Gi-Oh series before the Yu-Gi-Oh series that ran in the US), and usually under the command of Joey Wheeler, aka Jounouchi. In fact, one of the times Battle Warrior was reprinted in the OCG was in the Joey deck.

Art wise, this is just a blue guy with fists and an impractical visor. Not too much to critique there.

Throwstone Unit - Yu-Gi-Oh!

Missed the castle, but hit the sun up there.

So, what is there to say about this card? It's a catapult. Thank you Yu-Gi-Oh! wiki, I wouldn't have noticed that without you. Name wise, it's very lackluster. Is throwstone even a word? It sounds like someone who has never heard of a catapult trying to describe a catapult. Why not call it Rock Catapult or something?

Narrative wise, you see a group of soldiers attacking a castle, probably the same one that all the Decrees and Commands come from. This is a nice little scene, and a nice change from the usual art style. Most Yu-Gi-Oh art, particularly the monsters, are just the creatures posing slapped onto a prerendered background or pattern. You rarely get an entire scene in the monster art, but this one goes the extra mileage.

Ability wise, things start to make less sense. The previous catapult card was Catapult Turtle, and it was awesome. That effect required a tribute so you could inflict direct damage to an opponent. This card is something entirely different. You first need to tribute a Warrior, despite the art and name showing it throws rocks. Why don't you tribute Rock monsters? Are the rocks in the art supposed to be other warriors? Then you target a face up monster with less DEF than the Throwstone's ATK and kill it with the rock. The more ATK it has, the bigger the rocks it can throw. But since you also lost a monster for the effect, card advantage this is not.

House of Adhesive Tape - Yu-Gi-Oh!

I should be doing M14. It's out right now, meaning people are more interested. But I haven't played with the set yet (Norton deletes the patch from MWS, making me think they still have issues to iron out), and I haven't watched anyone else play with it. So we'll hold off a week or so.

Until then, enjoy this...

1 use for duct tape!

House of Adhesive Tape was a card from the English set Magic Ruler. When they did a worldwide reprint of the set though, they decided to call it Spell Ruler. Why the name change? There is a type of card in Yu-Gi-Oh! that was called Magic. With the English release of Magician's Force though, they decided to change the type to Spell. According to the wiki, this was to further separate Yu-Gi-Oh! from another gaming sensation, Magic: The Gathering. To reflect this change, they also changed the name of Magic Ruler to Spell Ruler. This decision was stupid on multiple levels. You don't change the entire name of a set unless you have good reasons for it. You don't see Magic the Gathering changing Fallen Empires to Our Bad. This confuses new players an annoys collectors. Plus, Yu-Gi-Oh has a serious problem with counterfeiters. Calling the set Spell Ruler makes it look like some Korean publisher is trying to capitalize with an idiot translation, meaning the packs stay on the shelves and nobody buys them because they seem fake.

But enough about that rant, here's another one. The card is very weak removal. The game already had better removal at this point, with cards like Fissure and Trap Hole. This is the same basic effect with an added restriction for no extra benefit. Mechanically, this card sucks, and that surprises no one.

The art though is very interesting, and very disturbing. You have the cartoonish nightmare house, like something out of a fairy tale, with a strip of tape rolling out the doorway like a tongue. You have little blue figures, struggling in vain to escape. The roof has this melting look to it, making it seem even more sticky. I like the concept, I love the art, that said I'm rarely going to play it.

House is also one of a few cards that were never reprinted in English. Not even the reprint sets, Dark Beginning 1 and 2 wanted to touch this guy. Not that anybody is complaining.

Relinquished - Yu-Gi-Oh!

Release the Relinquished!

Relinquished is one of my all time favorite Yu-Gi-Oh! cards. The card has several elements that I like. First, it's a Ritual monster, which is cool enough, but it also is Level 1, making it perhaps the easiest Ritual monster to summon. Also, it's a Ritual Monster with an effect. While the other Ritual guys in Magic Ruler were kind of a yawn, this guy actually does something.

Second is the stats. It's a Level 1 monster with 0 ATK and 0 DEF. This initially seems pretty terrible. It's effects though completely defies this expectation. I love the 0 ATK or Level 1 monsters that can still kick butt and be powerful.

Third, its effect. This card allows you to steal an opposing monster. Creature stealing has always been fun for me in Yu-Gi-Oh, at least when I'm the one doing the stealing. This bypasses indestructible and overpowered monsters, neutralizing them without actually destroying them. And even if your opponent finds a way to get rid of Relinquished, you don't feel too bad, since they also got rid of their own card.

The fourth element is another aspect of the effect. Not only does Relinquished steal monsters, it absorbs them. I am also a huge fan of Union monsters. Something about the flavor of equipping another monster with another monster is magical. Relinquished equips the monster it steals, taking its power for its own. Something about the mechanic, and again the flavor, just feels completely natural.

Another thing I love about Relinquished is how easy it is to grasp the concept. This card is perhaps one of the wordiest cards in the game, yet despite that I am able to understand what the card does, it absorbs other monsters. Yes there are a lot of technical rules and issues with absorbing another monster, but the concept is so strong I'm still able to understand it.

In short, Relinquished is a card that was designed to do something cool, and it's because of that and everything above that I love it!

Crab Turtle - Yu-Gi-Oh!

Mutant Ninja Turtle Crabs!

Crab Turtle is weird. At initial viewing, it looks reminiscent of a crab and nothing like a turtle. The one turtle-like feature is the shell on it's chest, which resembles a turtle's underside. I'm not sure how turtle or crab powers give this thing the ability to stand upright or a single eyeball, but this is Yu-Gi-Oh, weird stuff is par for the course. As weird as the monster is, the magic card that goes with it is equally baffling.

Swear to the great A'tuin!

Okay, what am I looking at here? We have some sort of turtle shell, though its roundness makes me think of an army helmet. Then there's some rope tied around it and... what are those white things? Are they paper streamers or something? What's that underneath? What does any of this have to do with taking an oath to turtles? On the upside, the illustration actually looks like part of some ritual, as opposed to the say the same creature as before in a different position or a demon cooking a burger. I just can't figure out what any of this stuff is supposed to be.

Hungry Burger - Yu-Gi-Oh!

Hungry, hungry burger!

Well, we're stepping back into the world of killer foods. Seriously, how do monsters in the Yu-Gi-Oh-verse eat when half the food shown is homicidal? Also odd, why is this guy a Warrior? Admittedly, I can think of a better type to place it, maybe Fiend, since we later see the cook behind it is a demon.

So yeah, killer burger. What more can I say. One nice little detail is at the top right corner. For awhile, I thought this was an eye (despite the fact that there is clearly no second eye present, I'm kind of stupid), but it turns out it's actually a little flag, like the toothpicks some diners or Friendlys sticks in your sandwich. And it's a Japanese flag, white background, red dot.

The companion card, Hamburger Recipe features a demonic cook, remarkably the second demon in the game to take up the culinary arts. I can tell this isn't the same one, because the other demon had a hook hand. This guys hands are both present and fine.

That said, maybe this is an example of a storyline in the card art. Yu-Gi-Oh occasionally likes to tell little stories hidden in its art. There might be a narrative here that goes like this. Demon makes a burger, seen in Hamburger Recipe. Burger goes psychotic, seen in Hungry Burger. Burger bites off the hand of the demon chef, causing him to have to replace the missing hand with a hook.

Chef Ramsey proceeds to call him a moron.

Performance of Sword - Yu-Gi-Oh!

Dancing queen...

Ritual Monsters are one of my favorite monster types in Yu-Gi-Oh! The flavor of the cards is wonderful, special monsters that you need to perform a certain ritual, meeting certain requirements, in order to summon. Ritual monsters have gotten the shaft though in the game, the one attempt to save them being the Evigishki archetype. What's the problem with them in the game? You summon them from your hand.

Ritual Monsters are put in your main deck, along with their corresponding Ritual Magic (Spells in the US). If you want to increase your chances of summoning them, you put it a full set of each. And now six cards in your deck are dead draws. The cards do nothing except Ritual Summon. Without their matching pair, the card is a complete blank. My idea for solving this issue is have Ritual Monsters summon from the Extra Deck. That takes care of three of the six possible dead draws, and the Magic cards are now even better, you being able to use them the minute you meet the requirements, and not sitting there waiting to draw the other monster. This would effect some cards, but not too many, so I don't see it causing too many problems. In fact, if you play the game, I want to try it this way, and let me know if it works.

Anyway, I'm looking at Ritual Monsters. There aren't too many, the archetype being nowhere near as popular or competitive as Fusions, Synchros, or Exceeds. (I refuse to call it Xyz. It looks to me like it's pronounced "ziz". When you need to tell your players how to pronounce a word, because it looks nothing like what people think the word sounds like, just get a new word. Yes, I know the Japanese word doesn't translate into any English word, but could you try to make the word look like what you're supposed to say.) I'm starting with the ones from Magic Ruler (changed to Spell Ruler for the reprint for no good reason), since in the US at least this was the introduction of Ritual Monsters.

So, Performance of Sword. What the hell does that mean? The original Japanese name translates to Dancing Soldier, which at least explains the Warrior-typing. Why did we change it for the US? I have no clue. The word "soldier" is fine, having been used in the TCG several times. That leaves "dancing", again one used before. Maybe they thought it just sounded silly, despite the fact that this is the game where you can literally summon a killer tomato. Still, I like the art, and the positioning of her one arm probably saved her cleavage size from the devious censors. Yeah, women in Yu-Gi-Oh with extra endowment get their bra size changed for the TCG, since we can't sully young minds with pictures of busty women.

The Ritual card, Commencement Dance, is the same girl in a different position. Now she's sitting.

Nobody puts Dancing Soldier in the corner...

Nekogal #1 - Yu-Gi-Oh!

We have entered furry territory.

Say hello to Nekogal #1, better known in Japan as Cats Fairy, but called Nekogal in the US because, uh, I have no idea. This card is... disturbing, for many reasons. First you have the aforementioned caption above. She is a girl with cat ears and a tail, though admittedly the tail look like a cat's. Weird. The long fingers also say more harpie than cat woman.

Why am I looking at this card today? Look at the flavor text, very closely. Do you see it? If it's too small, here's what it says. A pussy-fairy. A pussy-fairy. I think the translator made a subconscious slip. Seriously, how did these guys, people who are quick at the draw to censor words, let this one slip by them. And no, they don't have the excuse they have for Doma, since this card wasn't printed in the starters but in the sixth Tournament Pack. They should have gotten their act together by now. It is really sad that they refuse to say the word death and for awhile black, but this, which has more disturbing connotations than either of those, gets a free pass.

What makes the vagina pixie even more disturbing is if we take a look at the original Japanese artwork. The artwork often receives a touch up to cover any provocative dress or, ahem, extra ordinary endowment. While I usually find this annoying, most cards aren't that bad and only a few are that bad (I might get to them some other time, God help me), considering the flavor, I'm glad they didn't go with the original. The Japanese art makes it very clear where the artist's mind was, and it took the American censors to have the decency to give the girl some pants.

Me-ow!

Doma the Angel of Silence - Yu-Gi-Oh!

Shhhh...

Doma is the first card I'm looking at that has actually been printed in the TCG. This card was part of the original starter decks in the TCG, and the original starter box in Japan. Art wise, Doma is awesome. All the elements come together in a sort of unnerving way, making her intimidating. She has two sets of wings on her back, the bottom being the traditional angel wings while the upper ones resembling more a demon. Then you have the creepy eye on the shoulder. Yes, in modern Yu-Gi-Oh! her stats would get her laughed out, but even in the old game they still had good art.

Now, what I really want to talk about is her name. Doma the Angel of Silence is her TCG name, and the translators took out one very important word to make the demon angel more child friendly. Her OCG name? Angel of the Silence of Death Doma. Yeah, major difference. The original flavor in the Starter Deck version actually outright said this. This fairy rules over death, and administers it when necessary. This was changed in her Metal Raiders release to This fairy rules over the end of existence. While I am annoyed at this censorship, I must admit the TCG name does a better job of reflecting her power level. It's a little ridiculous to think that in this game some guy with an axe could defeat an angel in charge of death itself.

Closing trivia. Doma is likely based on Dumah. According to my research (aka Wikipedia), Dumah is an angel from Jewish tradition, usually siding with Hell instead of Heaven. The word dumah actually comes from the Hebrew and/or Aramaic word for silence.

White Dolphin - Yu-Gi-Oh!

I'm returning back to the old old Yu-Gi-Oh! cards. Today we look at this beauty.

Flipper: The Revenge

This card annoys me a little, and by a little I mean a lot. There are some animals that I get pissed when people call them something else. Echidnas are not porcupines. Spiders and scorpions are not insects. I know you can't tell because the card is in Japanese (unless you speak Japanese in which case ignore what I just said), but the monster type for this card is "Fish". DOLPHINS ARE NOT FISH. Dolphins are mammals, they are relatives of whales. They breath air. Fish are none of these things.

Of course, the creature in this image barely resembles a dolphin. That is not a dolphin. This is a dolphin.

"So long and thanks for all the fish."

Yes, the Yu-Gi-Oh! thing has a dorsal fin, it has the elongated profile, and the teeth, while horrifying, are fairly accurate for a dolphin. As cute as they are in Sea World, dolphins are still predators, and they need some way to tear apart those fish. But if you look closely at the art, you'll notice the not-dolphin has an additional fin on its back, near the tail. As far as I'm aware, dolphins do not work like that. The flippers are also designed wrong, again more resembling a fish than it does a dolphin.

Another problem with this thing is it has some sort of horn stuck in where the blowhole is supposed to be. Blowholes help dolphins breathe. The thing in the art better not be a dolphin, otherwise it is going to drown. Oddly enough, I don't see any gills on that thing either. How does it breathe underwater?

Tomozaurus - Yu-Gi-Oh!

Still on Volume 1, today we're looking at Tomozaurus, with a za instead of an sa because that's the kana the Japanese went with. Since I'm not Japanese, I have no idea whether this is a screw up or not. It is possible though, since the one monster type they accidentally named Undeat. Here's the card.

"Welcome to Jurassic Park!"

Yes, the art for this card is a dinosaur biting another dinosaur in the neck! How awesome is that! Of course, I'm unclear which one is supposed to be the monster we're summoning. Is it the brown guy sinking into the other's flesh, or is it the green one getting torn to shreds. The lousy stats make me think the latter, but the card's flavor text (flavor only present on normal monsters for some reason) talks about the dinosaur attacking its own kind. Meaning, both of these guys are a Tomozaurus.

On a side note, while not released in the TCG, it does appear in several of the many Yu-Gi-Oh! games that made it to the US. But children are extremely sensitive and shouldn't be exposed to the image of blood. Yes, the violence may have been an issue to, but the TCG has a weird thing where you can't show blood, to the point that they recolor it to make it look like some other liquid. Rather than have a dinosaur squirt green fluid though, they decided to just darken the region around it, resulting in this.

Prehistoric hickey.

Curtain of the Dark Ones - Yu-Gi-Oh!

Continuing our venture into Volume 1, and the cards that never were printed here or reprinted in Japan, we have this gem. One of the things that still appeals to me about Yu-Gi-Oh! is how bizarre it utterly is. Previous entry, you could attack someone with an eyeball. Now, you can attack them with a curtain with arms.

Aaah, curtains. My only weakness.

Translated, the card is Curtain of Black Demonic Being. Why a black demonic being would have a red curtain is beyond me, and why he would have a curtain with arms is even further beyond. Because you can't have demons in a children's card game, the English version is Curtain of the Dark Ones.

While The Drdek had no impact beyond its single OCG appearance, Curtain of the Dark Ones actually has relevance to the anime and to a few other cards. In the Virtual World arc (essentially the characters are trapped in the Matrix and must fight their way out by playing card games) one of the villains (Johnson, aka Chikuzen Ooka) summons this guy and fuses it with the Mystical Elf to summon Kamionwizard, or as I prefer to call it, Chaos Wizard! In Yu-Gi-Oh!, Elf + Curtain = Dark Wizard. Still, several style points subtracted since Johnson was going with a courtroom motif. What any of this has to do with courtrooms is also beyond my comprehension.

But yeah, Mystical Elf, Chaos Wizard, both actual cards. Of the two, only Mystical Elf made it to the US, while the wizard was left to sulk at one-shot status. It's alright though, his stats kind of suck. How bad? Wizard loses to Magician King. The power of rock and roll is enough to defeat a wizard in the Yu-Gi-Oh-verse. Bet you won't hear that said in Magic the Gathering!

Another thing of note comes from the video game Duelists of the Roses, where Yu-Gi-Oh! plays fast and loose with British history. All of the cards got 3D renders for optional battle sequences. Curtain's appearance, let's face it, is kind of lame. So the programmers created an original appearance for it. While it's pretty stagnant and kind of boxy, in my opinion it is much cooler than the original. Behold!

"I can stare into your soul!"

The Drdek - Yu-Gi-Oh!

This card comes all the way back from the old days of Yu-Gi-Oh!, all the way back from Volume 1, the first expansion in Japan. Since then, to date, it has never been reprinted in the OCG, and is one of the few cards never been printed in the TCG because, well, it's bad. Yu-Gi-Oh! is not a very well-balanced game.

Tremble in fear of the, um, eyeball plant.

The original Japanese name, when translated, is Death Foot. Yeah, it doesn't make sense to me either, if anything it looks like the eyeball is attached to a demon hand, but whatever.

While never printed in the TCG and never appearing in any of the four animes (if I'm wrong and you find it, please update Yu-Gi-Oh! Wikia) the card still has an English name, having appeared in several video games released in the US. They couldn't call it Death Foot, because you are not allowed to say death in the TCG. What will overly sensitive and easily insulted parents say if we include the word death in a children's card game, a game that involves monsters destroying each other! If they had it their way the Graveyard would be renamed the Better Place. Like these parents, I am overly sensitive to stupid name changes. For crying out loud, you weren't allowed to say the word black for several expansions, hence the Red-Eyes B. Dragon.

The English name though makes even less sense, The Drdek. How do you even pronounce that? Turns out the name is a likely homage to Matthew Drdek, one of the translators at 4 Kids who worked on the English localizations of the Yu-Gi-Oh! series. Why they felt compelled to name a disembodied eyeball after him though is beyond me.