Tenochtitlan King - Hecatomb

"Funny hats are essential to world destruction."

With all the hype last year surrounding the Mayans and their calendar, people have been overlooking another ancient Meso-American civilization: the Aztecs. Hecatomb had several sub-themes based around ancient civilizations, primarily the Aztecs, with the Ancient Egyptians appearing in the next set. Which leads us to this guy.

First, what is Tenochtitlan? From the world's most edited database (Wikipedia), I found the answer. Tenochtitlan was once the capital of the Aztec Empire. It was built on an island in the middle of Lake Texcoco, giving the Aztecs the engineering challenge of building stable buildings and foundations on less than stable terrain. And they pulled it off. The city's name is most often translated as coming from the words tetl (rock) and nochtli (prickly pear).

Tenochtitlan unfortunately also bore witness to the beginning of the end of the civilization that built it. You see, there was a jerk named Cortez. This is my own personal bias, as I view most of the Spanish conquistadors as jerks considering how they blatantly ignored and mistreated other civilizations. The Spanish arrived at Tenochtitlan, meeting the current ruler Moctezuma. Moctezuma welcomed the visitors, not necessarily just out of kindness but also for religious and political motives. Cortez and his crew showed up right around the time of an Aztec prophecy predicting the coming of some god or something akin to Jesus. Whether or not Moctezuma personally believed it, he was definitely away his subjects and some of his enemies probably believed it, and so he wasn't letting the opportunity go to waste. The Spanish repaid this kindness by destroying their entire civilization. This is a drastically shortened cliff notes version of history (aka I probably got most of it wrong), and I recommend you read the story yourself.

Continuing to show that Wizards did their research, the flavor text mentions the people of Tlaxcala and Azcapotzalco. Both are these are real places that exist in present day Mexico and that existed during the time of the Aztecs. Why they chose these names and places is another issue. Regardless of their original thinking, I think this guy being the king of Tenochtitlan works really well in the apocalyptic setting. Tenochtitlan set the stage for the destruction of the Aztecs, and now its setting it for the destruction of the world. There's also a kind of poetic justice in a destroyed city coming back to wreak havoc.

Ability wise, this guy is a lord. The term comes from Magic the Gathering, and refers to creatures that grant bonuses to creatures of the same type as it. In this case, the card is an Aztecal that gives +2 strength to other Aztecal. The flavor of the guy also works for a lord theme. He is an Aztecal king, and therefore he commands and has influence over the Aztecal.

Great Cthulhu, Highest of the Great Old Ones - Hecatomb

THIS IS HALLOWEEN!!!

Cthulhu dresses up as the giant squid from Jules Verne.

I mentioned this in my Moloch post, but here is the genuine article. Cthulhu is a monstrous alien/deity who first appeared in H.P. Lovecraft's "The Call of Cthulhu". Since then, the character has cemented the genre of cosmic horror fiction and has become deeply engrained in our popular culture. What is it about Cthulhu that makes him so popular? I'm not certain. If I had to guess, it's because the character is so strange and so different. He is practically a god, but instead of being an idealized human who swears his ways are beyond our understanding, he isn't idealized or human at all, and his ways and himself are beyond our understanding. Cthulhu represents something so utterly terrifying that we can't fully comprehend what it is, and because of that we fear it.

Let's look at the card. The art is something I have been bloody waiting for. Most of the art so far has been one color scheme, causing everything to blend together. Here, Cthulhu's slimy green body is sharply contrasted by the orange background, making him stand out very prominently. The art is a slightly different interpretation of the usual image, the full octopus head on a massive body, and instead seems stretched out to be more fluid and squid-like. I am perfectly fine with this, I have no idea how the traditionalists feel though.

The effects play well with the flavor in my opinion. The come-into-play effect causes your opponents to discard their hands, the sudden presence of this eldritchian abomination causing them to lose focus and go mad from the revelation. In the ongoing ability, if a player wants to attack you, they first must pay tribute to Cthulhu. Only when he is appeased will he let them pass.

Happy Halloween! 

Horseman of Conquest - Hecatomb

"I'm still waiting for a call for Darksiders III."

So, here's an issue I've been sidestepping. Most games have some sort of goal behind them. In Monopoly it's to acquire all property. Magic the Gathering is two wizards trying to reduce the other's life to 0. What is the goal of this game? To reap 20 souls so you can destroy the world. What. Ignoring the fact that destroying the planet you're standing on is an idiotic move, the game casts its players as villain protagonists. This was another innovation of the game, a world where you cast the players as villains instead of the hero, but the game also was trying to build some sort of story, and this didn't help. In Magic the Gathering, you have the freedom to switch worlds and build characters. Here though, the game makes it very clear this is set on Earth. The planet most of the protagonists are trying to destroy. How do you makes us care about them? We don't want them to succeed, not just because they're evil but because once the Earth is destroyed, that's the end of the story. The final expansion tried to rectify this with the introduction of the aliens, presenting the possibility that there are other worlds out there for them to destroy, and providing a way to survive the destruction of this one. That said, the story was still kind of grounded. It's hard to build up a world when your characters are intent on destroying it.

Well, enough with that rant, here's our card, appropriately enough a horseman. One of the horsemen actually. For those who never read Revelations, there is a sequence with the breaking of the seven seals. When the first four seals are broken, they summon the four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: Conquest, War, Famine, and Death. Pestilence is a side-interpretation/member, I guess the part-time Horseman, usually standing in for Conquest or Death. As shown above, Conquest is depicted riding a white horse. He carries a bow and arrow and he wears a crown on his head. I personally feel Conquest steps a little too far into War's territory, which is probably why most writers depict him as Pestilence.

Another mechanical note about these cards. Notice how the text box is red. Look at the four other corners. Notice the blue triangles. When you place a card on top of another, called stitching, you rotate the bottom card by one so the text is clear under the plastic edges. This causes one of the four triangles above to appear in clear triangle on the text box. If the colors match, it triggers the effect in that text box. In this case, if you stitch Conquest on top of a destruction minion (remember, destruction is red, deceit is blue), you will trigger the text in the red box. This is Hecatomb's version of encouraging multicolored play and off-color triggers.

Moloch, Eater of Children - Hecatomb

Moloch no like light.

The Gods in Hecatomb are probably the most powerful cards in the game. In the same sense Magic lets you summon planeswalkers to aid you, Hecatomb lets you summon Gods. They usually came with a come-into-play effect (the yellow text). followed by a continuous effect. The Gods themselves were pulled from various mythologies and H.P. Lovecraft. One of the Gods is Cthulhu. Seriously, it's the card name and everything.

This guy, Moloch, comes from the former sources: classical mythology. Moloch was a God associated with the Ammonites and with child sacrifice. He's even mentioned in the Bible, God telling the Israelites not to sacrifice their children to him. I find it very sad that they had to be told not to sacrifice children to the death god, and it makes me shudder to think what they were doing before hand. Moloch also receives a cameo in Paradise Lost, Milton following the tradition of listing some of the old pagan gods as fallen angels. When they made that Sinister film, it astounds me they didn't use Moloch, the evil child-sacrifice god, and instead opted to make up a demon.

Art wise, this guy is freaking terrifying! I think it has the same color scheme problem, but the details that matter, the doll parts hanging from his horns, come in loud and clear.

Slaughter Wheel - Hecatomb

Some history first. Back in the day, Wizards of the Coast tried publishing more games besides Magic the Gathering. One such product was Hecatomb. The main gimmick featured was five-sided plastic cards. Four of the sides were a clear plastic that allowed players to stack cards and easily see the text underneath. I've heard no complaints about the game, and it actually seems rather innovative. The problems though are in practicality. You needed special sleeves, boxes, and pages if you wanted to store cards. The cards as I said were plastic, which made them more durable but was also a more expensive material. I can only imagine how the sheets were even cut. Hecatomb was a neat concept that was sadly too much of a drain on collectors and manufacturers to keep being produced, receiving only two expansions.

But enough with that, let's have a card.

Bob the Builder finally has his revenge.

Hecatomb had a Magicesque cost system, with four different colored types. Blue was Deceit, gray Corruption, red Destruction, and green Greed. This guy belongs to Deceit. What exactly is deceitful about a steamroller is lost on me.

Actually, the art on this reminds me of the original Juggernaut from Magic the Gathering. A huge wheel crushing people underneath it. This subsequently reminds me of Malefic Steamroller, from Wizards miniatures game Dreamblade. While Hecatomb was a horror game, it delved a bit into black comedy, hence the humorous imprints on the wheel. My only real complaint art-wise is that the color scheme is pretty much one color, making it harder to pick out any details, especially in the background.

One final comment is the subtype, Animate. The Wheel here falls along similar veins as Christine, an animated vehicle trying to kill you. This has the bonus of being able to power up its Animate brethren. Stephen King, write a sequel where Christine teams up with a homicidal steamroller.

Undead Duck - The Nightmare Before Christmas TCG

Blood not included.

I love card games that give me the power to collect and play the weirdest things. How many games in the world let you play a card named Undead Duck? It's so completely random yet awesome that I love it. It's a freaking vampire duck!

Mechanics wise, this is one of the Creations, the things your characters are supposedly making for the holidays. The main benefit is the scare value, usually on the high end which means more scare points at the end game. There are several creations in the game that are tied to several of the characters. Sometimes having a certain character reduces the cost to play it, and others just give you a bonus effect. How each creation is linked to each character is unclear. I suspect these are the "toys" the residents of Halloweentown made, each group of characters having made one toy. That or the game developers just went with whatever character was in the same stillshot. I'm hoping it was the former.

Hanging Tree, Murderous Host - The Nightmare Before Christmas TCG

Branch for four?

This one is really creepy to me. Technically, it's just an anthropomorphic tree with skeletons dangling from its branches. Plants in general need a lot of work to accomplish being scary. It's not enough just to make them animate; there has to be something unnerving. When you try to make plants scary but fail, you get stuff like The Happening.

So why do I find this frightening? The ability. You can lower the tree's cost by 1 by discarding 1 character from your hand. You are making this thing cheaper by hanging your own characters! That's the flavor I get from this. Whether the lynching allusion is what the designers were really going for is unknown to me.

On a random note, had they called in an illustrator instead of taking film stills, I would have told the artist to show three skeletons instead of four. Why? To play this card for free you need to discard three characters. That's the maximum number since you can't pay a negative number. Three hangings, three skeletons.

Jack's House - The Nightmare Before Christmas TCG

I get the feeling insurance premiums are really high in Halloweentown.

Time to talk starting locales. Like Outfits in Doomtown and Strongholds in L5R, this is the card you start the game with and that determines what actions you can take. Each starting locale has 3 Functions, and each turn you're allowed to activate 1 of them. Usually, the first function draws cards, the second function adds pumpkin points so you can play cards, and the third one lets you move cards.

The number in the corner is the scare threshold. Usually, you need characters whose total scare value is equal or more than the threshold in order to activate the locale's function. Starting locales all have a threshold of 0 though, meaning you don't need any characters at that locale to use its functions.

Card design wise, the starting locales are kind of boring. They're all associated with different characters, but they all do pretty much the same thing thanks to card frame restrictions. You can only fit so much text in the spaces given before it gets too tiny to read, hence the three basic functions: draw, add, and move. There are probably character cards that interact with the appropriate starting locale, but I haven't combed through the entire set yet to see if this is true. I feel like these cards could have a lot more interesting designs, and possibly functions that interact with their characters, if the frame allowed more room for text and the font wasn't so bloody big.

Clown, With the Tear-away Face - The Nightmare Before Christmas TCG

Tim Burton plus clowns is a scary combination.

Clowns can be terrifying. Yes, there are a lot of nice clowns in the world, but it takes very little to make a clown into a serial killer. This guy for example is a clown with razor sharp teeth. The subtitle is also unsettling. Of all the adjectives that could describe a face, tear-away should not be one of them.

The ability is that you can sacrifice him to get rid of a character 1 cost lower. I imagine what he does is tear his face off, causing the less scary character to run away with screams of terror. Even residents of a Halloween plane can be terrified of clowns! They're that scary.

Shadow on the Moon - The Nightmare Before Christmas TCG

It's that time of year, the Halloween season, which means its time to get a bit festive. The game I'm looking at though is very weird. The Nightmare Before Christmas TCG. In the game, you take 12 rounds (the twelve days of Christmas, ha ha) to build your own Halloweentown and make your own Christmas-themed creations in time for the holidays. In the end, you tally up the values of your characters and creations, and the highest number wins.

This was weird. Whether you're a Tim Burton fan or not, there is only so far you can go when basing cards off of the film. Ideas were going to run out very quickly. The second set (yes, this actually got two sets) expanded the scope by introducing Christmas characters and locales, but this only gave the game one good final breath before expiring. Which is a shame because I do like the design of the game, I just also knew it was doomed. Anyways, enough ranting. Here's the card.

How many people have the "This is Halloween" song playing in their head?

This is a Surprise card. They're the Trainers of this card universe, except the game developers already came up with an idea to limit the number you can play. This card is also not typical of Surprise cards, since this one attaches to a character, and is therefore a confusing choice to start things off, but I'm sticking with it.

So, what does it do? Characters in the game have only one number on them, a scare number. Everything including how much it costs, when different location effects activate, and how many points you get at the end are determined by this one number. This lowers an opposing character's scare by 1, making them less scary. This makes it harder for your opponent to trigger locales, and it takes away 1 point for your opponent in the end game. I like to think that you are casting a shadow over the opposing character.

Harpy Matriarch - World of Warcraft TCG

What big... um... claws you have? Yes, we'll go with that.

The harpies are winged bird women, traditionally depicted as a large bird with the head of a woman, but in multiple card games have become women with feathers, bird claws, and practically no clothing. They're pretty much furries except with feathers.

In mythology, the king Phineus was sentenced to an island for pissing off the gods. Every day, there would be a grand banquet set up, but then the harpies would come and snatch away all the food before Phineus could taste a morsel of it. Following the tradition of people being punished until some great hero came to release them, the Argonauts showed up and solved the harpy problem. In Shakespeare's The Tempest, there is a scene that mimics this mythology, the castaways seeing a huge banquet before it disappears as Ariel arrives in the form of a harpy.

This card has nothing to do with that. It just feels like they took a random monster type and slapped it on a card. This could be a snake woman instead of a bird woman and it would feel the same. The effect is also very generic, one that could go on any card. Couldn't they have tried to match the flavor with the ability? Heck, they could have named the thing Harpy Snatcher and shown it taking something from some hero, and I would have felt the flavor matched the effect much more nicely.

Adepts of Hermes - Illuminati: New World Order

This blog is NOT part of a government conspiracy.

Illuminati was/is a card game by Steve Jackson. The game is very tongue-in-cheek, letting you play with flying saucers, men in black, crystal skulls, and everything in between. Sadly, there are select individuals who take the game far too seriously, probably because they believe in flying saucers, men in black, crystal skulls, and everything in between. But that's not what I'm here to talk about.

Hermes was the Greek messenger god, his side job including escorting the dead to the underworld. I have no idea who the Adepts of Hermes are, the only links I'm finding referencing the game. They're probably just some generic secret organization who wanted to sound cool. In the red seal on the card art, in the middle of the pentagram, is the caduceus, a staff depicted with two snakes entwining around it. You most often see this symbol in the field of medicine. According to legend, Hermes invented the lyre and then traded his invention with Apollo, who gave him the caduceus in return.

There are other symbols on the seal, the pentagram inside a pentagon. Since government buildings often take geometric shapes, this must be a clear reference to the Pentagon being part of the Adepts of Hermes. There is also a pyramid with an eye, which Nicholas Cage in National Treasure taught us was a Masonic symbol! It all fits, and I am certainly not being sarcastic right now. I love looking at conspiracy theories and wacky pseudosciences, just because of the rich mythology they form. I don't believe a word of it, but I still find the stories they make up entertaining.

Gordian Blade - Android Netrunner

Go Digisword!

Time for a bit of historical legend. Alexander the Great was a real ruler and part of Greece's history. One legend from Alexander's career is the Gordian knot. The challenge was whoever could undo the knot would receive great prizes, I forget what it was exactly but the story has an Arthurian feel so you would probably get to rule something. Many men tried but failed, but then Alexander came along. Alexander undid the knot fairly simply: He took out his sword and cut it in half. Nobody contested the claim, and Alexander was declared the winner. The story is often used to describe problems that seem extremely difficult or hard to solve but have a simple solution that almost everyone overlooks.

So in the future, some hacker creates an icebreaker and names it the Gordian Blade. I really like this name, as it not only reflects what the program does perfectly, but it also draws in ancient Earth myth and history. A lot of the Netrunner programs receive mythical names, because they sound cooler that way. People would buy more antivirus software if it had cool names like this. They would also buy it if instead of showing a progress bar it showed a freaking cyber sword cutting through the matrix.

Xena, Warrior Princess - Xena TCG

I am tired of talking about Theros. I've been talking about it for two weeks, going off what scraps Wizards gave us. Now that it's spoiler week though, we are being flooded with new cards. I'm going to wait awhile before tackling some of them, maybe till I actually play with them, then I will go over my predictions and see how wrong I was. Still, with Theros going on, my mind is on Greek mythology. Fortunately, Magic isn't the only game that borrows from it. Let's look at some of these cards.

How do you spell Xena's battle cry?

I absolutely loved Xena as a kid, and not just for the usual male hormonal reasons. Xena was the show that came on after my Saturday morning cartoons, and it was glorious. Xena totally kicked butt. Yes it got extremely silly now and then, but that was part of the charm, and even in those episodes Xena came out looking awesome. I mostly ignored the Hercules series, but I had to watch Xena. I am not ashamed for having watched and liked the show.


So, Wizards of the Coast (seriously) got their hands on this popular license and decided to make a trading card game around it. The game rules were part of something called the ARC system. Two other card games, the sci-fi C23 and, naturally, Hercules also ran on this system. I have no idea whether the ARC system was actually good or fun to play with. What I do know though is that the system was practically cursed, all three games living short and miserable lives. Only the Xena game lived long enough to get an expansion, and then it died after that.

So, here is what had to be a marquee card for the game, Xena herself. What's my opinion on this action heroine card. It kind of looks awful. There is nothing aesthetically pleasing about this template. The art is just a still shot from the show. While these can sometimes work, like Decipher's Lord of the Rings, here it really doesn't.

Yes, she has big numbers, but that's it. One of the wonderful things about Magic is how even the numbering, be it the card cost or power and toughness, can make a card look and feel a certain way. Cards with higher numbers felt like bigger cards, not just in terms of physical size but also the size of the effect. I get none of that from this card, possibly due to the size of the numbers. Bigger numbers (in terms of font size) make the card feel like it was meant for a younger audience. Instead of making the card feel huge, it makes it seem like they weren't certain if the target demographic would be able to read or comprehend it. It feels like they're dumbing it down. Even at Xena's silliest, the show never felt like something for preschoolers. This card on the other hand does.

Anthousa, Setessan Hero - Magic the Gathering

So, are the minotaurs supposed to be animated lands?

Anthousa is the ruler of Setessa, in that she manages everything for their patron goddess, Karametra. The Setessans are the Theros equivalent of the Amazons, an empire lead mostly by female warriors. Anthousa's other great claim to fame is that she decapitated a rock titan. Seriously, it's in the Planeswalker Guide.

So what ability does the leader of a group of female warriors get? She can make manlands. Seriously, what is the flavor here? Anthousa apparently has ties with the goddess of the earth, but when exactly and where exactly that Anthousa has the power to command the earth. At least Anax and Cymede had an ability that made them feel like leaders of a military empire, this is just weak though.

I have no idea how to judge the power of this card, since I don't know how to judge this type of effect. Turning your lands into an army can be a great finisher, but it also makes them all more vulnerable to removal. There is more creature removal and sweepers than there is land destruction. Kamahl, Fist of Krosa had a similar ability, but he also had an overrun like effect that was more dangerous and any lands you're lucky to animate actually become a threat thanks to it. This gives us none of that.

I'm still wondering about heroic. The two cards we've seen it on were both rare and legendary, so I have no idea if my theories about the mechanic are correct.

Ember Swallower - Magic the Gathering

Masticore Elemental?

This is a freakin Masticore! Not an elemental. It looks almost exactly the same as Molten-Tail Masticore. Is this leftover art from Scars block? My only other guess is that the art description for this guy was supposed to be a Manticore, but either the description had a typo or the artist misread it, resulting in this masticore. Masticores only exist in the Magic universe. There is nothing ancient Greek about them. So they changed the card to an elemental to cover their rears. This is pure speculation. I really would like someone from Wizards to give an official explanation, because I swear this isn't a coincidence.

Regarding the card itself, it's rather bleh. The ability doesn't excite me, and I have no idea how favorable turn seven land destruction is, especially since you're nuking yourself as well. Could be annoying in multiplayer though. Not necessarily fun, but annoying. Other than that, the stats are good, especially for red, whose creatures have a tendency to be glass cannons. The name also feels pretty generic. If my theory's correct, that could be because they had to scramble for it at the last minute.

Abhorrent Overlord - Magic the Gathering

Fly my pretties! Fly!

Hey, Chroma is back! For those too young to remember, chroma was a tagged keyword mechanic from Eventide. They were effects that counted the number of a certain mana symbol among a certain set of cards. Since Eventide was part of Shadowmoor block, it got in on the hybrid madness. And hybrid mana counted as both of its mana symbols, making it play nicely with chroma. This is a much more limited version of chroma, counting only mana symbols among permanents you control. However, among the nine chroma cards, four of them used the version that devotion went with: Heartlash Cinder, Outrage Shaman, Primalcrux, and Springjack Shephered.

I love the idea of Harpy tokens! I know they're just the Theros equivalent of Bat tokens, but it's just so flavorful and fits the setting perfectly. Plus, it adds more Harpy creatures to Magic. Current number of Harpies in Magic? Three. And they weren't even types as Harpies on their printed cards, and none of their cards have been reprinted. Theros seems to be the set centered on resurrecting seldom used creature types.

Other creature types in need of love that would fit perfectly in this set? Chimeras. Manticores. Sirens. (I already know they're getting support from the Planeswalker Guide) Cerberus. (Closest we've seem to have come is Hound of Griselbrand.)

Shipbreaker Kraken - Magic the Gathering

RELEASE THE KRAKEN!

We have another monstrous creature, and this one's a kraken! I'm starting to get the impression Theros Limited is going to be a lot slower. The bestow costs we have seen are huge, and the monstrosity costs are equally huge. Neither mechanic will be any good if the game ends on turn five. Since the cost is big, the effects are equally big. Eight mana turns this guy into a 10/10 and taps down four creatures for as long as you got the kraken. That is some huge board advantage right there. That said, this won't see much constructed play. If a Standard game lasts long enough that you can cast this guy, odds are you're already doomed.

I really like the artistic design of this guy. Most of the time there is very little that distinguishes a kraken from a giant octopus. This though is really unique. This kraken has a bunch of claws and crab-like appendages. It's a blending of other marine life into a giant monster. It's certainly more interesting than the design that appeared in the film I quoted in the caption. A lot more colorful too. The pink claws and tentacles compliment the blue shell and exterior really nicely. It also helps it stand out in a background that's mostly blue.

One quick side note. If Gatherer is to be believed, this will be the seventh Kraken in Magic history (excluding any decommissioned krakens), just like how Celestial Archon is going to be the seventh Archon. Coincidence? Yes, but that doesn't make it any less neat. 

Celestial Archon - Magic the Gathering

Lucky Archon number 7!

A new week and five new preview cards, thank you Wizards. These are the Enchantment Creatures they have been teasing. Love the card frame by the way, so sparkly! The mechanic is one that's been sitting in the Magic pipeline for awhile, creatures that can enchant creatures. It was only a matter of time before this mechanic was fully released, it was only waiting for the right set. Several things I like already. The enchantment creature actually feels like both an enchantment and a creature. The first one we got from Future Sight, Lucent Liminid, was just a flyer with the type slapped on. This though actually has an enchantment like effect to justify the typing.

Another thing. I'm not certain I'm reading this correctly, but it seems that when the creature this is attached to is destroyed, this just becomes its creature form instead. This is a very good move. This will make people not afraid of using the bestow effect only for the enchanted creature to get nerfed, since the Aura will just become another creature.

I wonder if the mechanic could even be used to cheat high cost creatures into play. Design a creature with a lower bestow cost than its creature cost, so it comes into play attached to a creature. Then if the enchanted creature gets killed, your enchantment creature will become the high cost creature, with you spending less mana to get it. I can tell though that if there are plans to use the mechanic like that, it won't be in this set. Similar to bloodrush, the enchant effect seems to be gaining the creatures power and toughness and all effects they have. An Aura that gives say +5/+5 won't be a cheap card, so I doubt with this formula we'll be seeing high cost creatures with lower bestow costs, but we'll see.

I also wonder if the five gods of Theros are going to have bestow effects. Then again, I wonder if all the enchantment creatures will have bestow effects. My answers: Probably yes on both counts. The gods are definitely going to be mythic rare though, so we might see some more unique executions in their bestow effects. Also, will their weapons be enchantment artifacts? How will that work? So many questions, I can't wait!

Satyr Hedonist - Magic the Gathering

Please tell me he's wearing pants.

In the same way that Innistrad added a bunch of new Werewolves for the neglected creature type, Theros is adding a bunch of new satyrs. A search on Gatherer reveals two Satyrs in Magic history, Lumbering Satyr from Mercadian Masques (who looks nothing like a satyr), and Willow Satyr all the way back from Legends. Now we're getting a bunch more, and they seem to be green red and to have the mentality of goblins.

His flavor text sounds like something you would see on a Rakdos card, since Rakdos parties usually end with all the attendees dead. This makes me wince at the thought of what satyr parties will be like. And I do not want to know what he is doing sitting there. I'm pretty sure the art's meant to innocent, but given the reputation satyrs have, his pose seems rather suggestive. At least its not as bad as the new art for Skyknight Legionnaire. And it's a Satyr in a Greek mythology block, so points for style.

I seriously doubt this guy will see any play in any format. Red mana acceleration is weird in power level. When Seething Song was printed, it was really good. This guy... isn't. This type of mana acceleration has become severely weak. Burning-Tree Emissary was a nice nod to this type of effect, but it was good because it wasn't this effect. This guy will only see Limited play if your deck doesn't have enough good creatures and you need any body to hold things down. Again, this is pure speculation though. Maybe there are cards in the format that will make a drafting strategy where this can be good. Going on past experience though, expect to end up with a pile of this guys from last picks.

Destructive Revelry - Magic the Gathering

Only you can prevent satyr fires.

Okay, so I've actually read the first installment of the Planeswalker's Guide to Theros. Some new things I've learned. Cymede is the queen. I could have figured that out if I bothered to red the flavor text on Calvary Pegasus. There are at least five gods on the plane, each one aligned to a different color. It is said the gods are living enchantments, implying that Theros has an enchantment theme, which explains several cards from M14, and that there will either be enchantment creature, or enchantments that can animate into creatures.

If enchantments turns out to be a major theme, and if there are a bunch of creatures who are also enchantments, this card can be really good in limited. It would act the same way artifact removal behaved in both Mirrodin blocks. Until I actually see one of this enchantment creatures though, this card is going to be stuck in a sideboard.

Let's review what we can actually see. The art is a bunch of satyrs gathered around a fire and hurling a shield into it. It appears satyrs will be this plane's equivalent of goblins, not to bright beings who like to burn things. The card's multicolored, because the blocks that dovetail next to multicolor blocks tend to have some additional multicolor support. We also have a quote from Xenagos, the Reveler, a title that becomes much less impressive if you replace reveler with party animal.

One minor detail I'd like to point out is how this red green card actually aligns pretty well with the philosophy and practices of the red and green gods, Purphoros and Nylea. Purphoros likes to melt stuff down so he can forge it into something new, so the ability works with him. Nylea dislikes any man or anything man-made disturbing her natural order, so she also would support scrapping this junk. It's just a little flavor thing that works really well. Odds are, this card is part of an allied colors cycle, so we'll see if the other cards join the philosophies of their two gods.

Ordeal of Purphoros - Magic the Gathering

THIS... IS... THEROS!

Remember the Expedition cycle from Zendikar. This reminds me of it a lot, an enchantment you accumulate three counters for it to go off, unless you enchant it to a monstrous creature or something with more counters on it, in which case you can sac it the turn you play. I am fairly positive this is a cycle, the naming alone suggests its a cycle. It's not a cycle I'm particularly excited about, and its a cycle I doubt will see constructed play. It feels really complicated, and the ability forces you to sack it. I would have preferred an optional sack, that way you can keep it on to add even more counters. Predictions. Blue one will draw cards. Green one will fetch a land, probably Rampant Growth style. We'll see.

Concept wise, I like the idea of the card. Heroes go on epic journeys that make them stronger. That's part of why it reminds me of the Expeditions, it's another attempt at quest cards. The execution again though isn't exciting. I understand why this is set up the way it is though. Heroes need to fight monsters on their journeys, so the card makes you attack. And the sack ability also encourages you to take up the quest, since it rewards you in the end. Despite all that that flavor, I still don't like it.

Polukranos, World Eater - Magic the Gathering

The Ancient Greek Galactus.

In the same way that Innistrad had humans and monsters, Theros has heroes and monsters. So what's the monster mechanic this time. Monstrosity. First off, this uses +1/+1 counters, meaning another year without -1/-1 counters. This reminds me of unleash in terms of the concept. You can give your monster +1/+1 counters at the cost of giving them some negative trait. Unleash made them unable to block, while monstrosity makes them monstrous. Odds are, there are gonna be a lot of cards that interact with and/or punish monstrous creatures. I bet you there is going to be a white spell that kills monstrous creatures, and a black spell that kills non-monstrous ones. There will probably also be a white knight who's a monster slayer. Then again, with all the Innistrad parallels, maybe they'll tone it down.

And our preview is a hydra. I love hydras! This was probably an inevitable inclusion, this being the Greek myth block. Hydras use a bunch of +1/+1 counters, ever since Rock Hydra, and this one allows it to pseudo-fight a creature, multiple if you wish, since this guy has multiple heads. And again with the aggressive costing. The only downside is that its monstrous ability is very mana intensive. 3 mana makes a 6/6 and deals 1 damage. 5 mana a 7/7 and 2 damage. 7 mana an 8/8 and 3 damage. It won't stop me from playing it, but it will make people wait awhile before they trigger the monstrous effect, since they want to get real value. Also, can you technically pay G just to make it monstrous and nothing else? I think you can. I'm not sure why you'd want to, but you can. Maybe, probably, they'll be a monster lord of some sort.

By the way, I like the name of this guy. It sounds like they are taking real Greek names and words and then twisting them to make them more Magicky. Polu is similar to poly, which means many. And Kranos is one off from Kronos, the father of the gods who swallowed his own children. And Polukranos has the title of world eater.

Anax and Cymede - Magic the Gathering

And we return to multicolor with no guild symbols.

I was going to do the rare color hoser cycle from M14, but then Wizards dropped a bombshell, and by that I mean they did something everyone already expected them to do, Theros previews.

Theros is Greco-Roman inspired, and what is Greek mythology without some wise king and queen. At least, that's my assumption. For all I know they're just brother and sister. Also, which is Anax and which is Cymede. My gut instinct is Anax is the guy and Cymede the girl, just because they sound more masculine and feminine to me. The art however has the girl before the guy, so maybe its supposed to be the other way. It's like those movie posters where the picture shows the actors from left to right yet reading the top bill like you normally would, the names don't match the actors.

And heroic, the new pseudo-keyword. Because its psuedo, I'm not certain what it's meant to do. My future self will read this and laugh at me. It seems to be "Whenever you cast a spell that targets ~, this happens." Several questions though. The effect in the preview card benefits all creatures. Will all heroic effects be universal? That would match the idea of somebody doing something heroic, inspiring everyone else to do something, but universal effects can be narrow. Second, will heroic only be on legendary cards? I like it flavor wise if it does, the legends being the heroes after all. The heroic effect would then encourage players to use they're legendaries, and to target their legendaries with their spells. But that just opens up problems. Legendaries don't appear too much at lower rarities, partially because it feels weird. Meaning the effect you just tagged won't be showing up at common, which is very important for your set mechanic to do. Odds are, there will be non-legendary creatures with heroic. Still, I like this ability because it actually encourages you to play your instants, sorceries, and auras. Even if the ability isn't that good, it can still create a good upswing.

Design wise, this feels like a very aggressive costed card, and the effect makes them feel like rulers. The only things I find weird are very nitpicky. One is the heroic effect grants trample. Trample is in red, meaning its perfectly within colors to do, but giving an army of creatures trample feels more green than red or white. My other nitpick is that despite the card depicting two characters, the effect doesn't feel like two characters. I like the design of Sisters of Stone Death. That card depicts three separate characters, yet its effects make it feel like each sister is doing something individually. Tibor and Lumia does the same thing. This one doesn't.

Still, this card looks good and powerful, so who am I to complain.

Encroaching Wastes - Magic the Gathering

You can thank Nissa for this one.

Encroaching Wastes joins the ranks of lands that kill other lands. They're the children of Wasteland, the grandchildren of Strip Mine, and so forth, this type of land has been popular throughout Magic's history.

Flavor wise, this guy steps on Tectonic Edge's territory, with the molten fires and collapsing earth, a site familiar in many disaster movies. There's nothing wrong with this, it just feels very generic. Ghost Quarter's flavor was at least more quirky and unique, and Dust Bowl swallowed lands in a dust storm. Encoraching Wastes and Tectonic Edge though, you could probably swap their names and nobody would notice the difference.

Le demonstration.

Xathrid Necromancer - Magic the Gathering

Remember, only humans can become zombies.

Xathrid Necromancer is a simple concept that has been making waves in Standard. Human dies, resurrect it as a Zombie. Necromancer is a perfect fit for the Aristocrats-styled decks, who already love sacrificing Humans. Also continues another tradition introduced, or at least popularized, in Innistrad. Zombies are very slow, meaning they enter the battlefield tapped. Its a little piece of rules flavoring that they have been keeping alive ever since.

Another thing Xathrid Necromancer does is a bit more obscure: It adds another Magic card that starts with the letter X. Awhile back, Magic had one of its special tournaments where pro-players are forced to play variant formats. One of them was a deck auction, with players bidding on preconstructed fan-made decks. The theme of the submissions that year was you had to have cards starting with each letter of the alphabet. X proved a bit tricky, since their were only a handful of cards (4 or 5) that started with X. In recent times, Wizards seems to be trying to alleviate that problem. Within a short span of time, the number of cards starting with X has doubled.

And finally, the Necromancer once again brings up Xathrid. For those who don't know, Xathrid is the predominantly black region on the plane of Shandalar. Shandalar has never been featured in any Magic block, with only a few odd cards in core sets and Planechase. No, Shandalar's claim to fame comes from an old Microprose PC game based on Magic the Gathering, the game taking place on the above-named plane.

Burning Earth - Magic the Gathering

An inconvenient truth.

So, I am finally talking about M14 again, long after people have stopped caring. I've been combing recent decklists, seeing which cards are making an impact on Standard, because that and Limited are the extent of my competitive format following.

Burning Earth is a replacement for the classic Manabarbs, and there's debate over which one is better. Manabarbs affected all lands, which hurt your opponent more but also you more. Burning Earth limits the effect to nonbasic, which takes some of the heat off of you but also does less damage to your opponent. Also note both only work if they tap the land for mana. Activating a Moorland Haunt's ability won't trigger these guys, meaning you still get plenty of suffering from their effects.

Since this debate has been done to death over the internet, let's talk about something else, the flavor text. More specifically, the guy saying the flavor text, Shrazik the lavamancer. Shrazik is a new name, I checked Gatherer and the only card with Shrazik in their flavor text is this one. That yielding nothing, I looked up lavamancer. I know there is already one in existence, Grim Lavamancer,  but I was curious if there was more flavor text quoted by lavamancers. Turns out there is. Say hello to Matoc.

Back in the days of Odyssey (with a one-card extension into Onslaught), Matoc was the lavamancer the Magic press got quotes from, his words appearing on six cards total. After years of silence from the lavamancer community, Shrazik has decided to fill the old role of spokesman for the lavamancer community. For all we know, meaning I'm calling this canon until someone from Wizards contradicts me, Shrazik was trained by Matoc, or is his descendant. Here's hoping we hear from him again, as many times as we have heard from his master and/or father.

Gimmick Puppet Egg Head - Yu-Gi-Oh!

I refuse to stoop to making egg puns.

Besides printing previously OCG exclusive cards, the Number Hunters set printed new cards from the anime. And the TCG was going to be the first one to print them. A lot of the cards in Number Hunters were originally published in the TCG, and then later released for the OCG. Usually its Japan who gets the cards first before anyone in the states does.

So this guy was from the anime, used by the slightly psychotic IV (pronounced four, it's Roman numerals). The US version calls him Quattro, because they thought somebody with the name IV was stupid. Personally I find someone with the name Quattro more stupid, but that's me. Some changes from the original. The card in Japanese is Gimmick Puppet - Bomb Egg, but that had to be changed, because you can't have the word bomb in a game for children. Another change is the ability. You now have to discard a Gimmick Puppet monster instead of any card, in order to make sure you play the card with its archetype. Okay, no real complaints.

Also, you now have the ability to make it Level 8. This requires a bit of set up. In the anime, IV does make this guy Level 8, but that was due to another card, Level Cross, called Level Doubler in English because you can't have the word cross in a show for children. Rather than print that card, and to boost the power level of the first card, they gave the egg the Level 8 effect directly. This type of change I have less of an issue with, since it still pays attention to and acknowledges what happened in the anime.

Art wise, this guy is creepy, all the Gimmick Puppets are. Look into those soulless eyes, that emotionless expression. He also has appendages that remind me of a mannequin (and those wooden figures you pose in art class), with abnormally long arms that nearly touch its feet. The antique looking wig is also a nice little touch. Overall, this guy will haunt your nightmares.

Battle Warrior - Yu-Gi-Oh!

This caption needs three exclamations!!!

Battle Warrior, aka Grappling Warrior Ultimator, was one of the Japanese cards that was never printed in the TCG. Recently, this has changed. In the US, they decided to do another special set, five card packs with all foils, featuring cards previously unpublished in the TCG. That set was Number Hunters. For some reason, they decided to sneak this guy in the list and get it in print.This raises one big question: why?

A lot of the cards from the OCG that are missing from the TCG aren't printed because they are very weak in today's environment. Had they been printed much earlier, their inclusion would have been fine, but today they are woefully out of place. Players didn't seem to be asking for them, since nobody was going to play them. So what's changed? My guess is collectors have started asking for them. Collectors don't like knowing there's a card exclusive to the OCG that they'll never get in the states. Yes they know its weak, but they still feel like they're missing out on something. I am personally happy that this card is seeing print, then again I'm also happy when a card from the anime finally sees print. Twin-Tail Cat Lady! Somebody make it happen.

Back to the card itself. Battle Warrior appears in the art of two other cards, Sneak Exploder and Small Stopper. Those cards however only exist in the anime. This card has also made anime appearances, mostly in the second series (not GX, there was a Yu-Gi-Oh series before the Yu-Gi-Oh series that ran in the US), and usually under the command of Joey Wheeler, aka Jounouchi. In fact, one of the times Battle Warrior was reprinted in the OCG was in the Joey deck.

Art wise, this is just a blue guy with fists and an impractical visor. Not too much to critique there.

Throwstone Unit - Yu-Gi-Oh!

Missed the castle, but hit the sun up there.

So, what is there to say about this card? It's a catapult. Thank you Yu-Gi-Oh! wiki, I wouldn't have noticed that without you. Name wise, it's very lackluster. Is throwstone even a word? It sounds like someone who has never heard of a catapult trying to describe a catapult. Why not call it Rock Catapult or something?

Narrative wise, you see a group of soldiers attacking a castle, probably the same one that all the Decrees and Commands come from. This is a nice little scene, and a nice change from the usual art style. Most Yu-Gi-Oh art, particularly the monsters, are just the creatures posing slapped onto a prerendered background or pattern. You rarely get an entire scene in the monster art, but this one goes the extra mileage.

Ability wise, things start to make less sense. The previous catapult card was Catapult Turtle, and it was awesome. That effect required a tribute so you could inflict direct damage to an opponent. This card is something entirely different. You first need to tribute a Warrior, despite the art and name showing it throws rocks. Why don't you tribute Rock monsters? Are the rocks in the art supposed to be other warriors? Then you target a face up monster with less DEF than the Throwstone's ATK and kill it with the rock. The more ATK it has, the bigger the rocks it can throw. But since you also lost a monster for the effect, card advantage this is not.

House of Adhesive Tape - Yu-Gi-Oh!

I should be doing M14. It's out right now, meaning people are more interested. But I haven't played with the set yet (Norton deletes the patch from MWS, making me think they still have issues to iron out), and I haven't watched anyone else play with it. So we'll hold off a week or so.

Until then, enjoy this...

1 use for duct tape!

House of Adhesive Tape was a card from the English set Magic Ruler. When they did a worldwide reprint of the set though, they decided to call it Spell Ruler. Why the name change? There is a type of card in Yu-Gi-Oh! that was called Magic. With the English release of Magician's Force though, they decided to change the type to Spell. According to the wiki, this was to further separate Yu-Gi-Oh! from another gaming sensation, Magic: The Gathering. To reflect this change, they also changed the name of Magic Ruler to Spell Ruler. This decision was stupid on multiple levels. You don't change the entire name of a set unless you have good reasons for it. You don't see Magic the Gathering changing Fallen Empires to Our Bad. This confuses new players an annoys collectors. Plus, Yu-Gi-Oh has a serious problem with counterfeiters. Calling the set Spell Ruler makes it look like some Korean publisher is trying to capitalize with an idiot translation, meaning the packs stay on the shelves and nobody buys them because they seem fake.

But enough about that rant, here's another one. The card is very weak removal. The game already had better removal at this point, with cards like Fissure and Trap Hole. This is the same basic effect with an added restriction for no extra benefit. Mechanically, this card sucks, and that surprises no one.

The art though is very interesting, and very disturbing. You have the cartoonish nightmare house, like something out of a fairy tale, with a strip of tape rolling out the doorway like a tongue. You have little blue figures, struggling in vain to escape. The roof has this melting look to it, making it seem even more sticky. I like the concept, I love the art, that said I'm rarely going to play it.

House is also one of a few cards that were never reprinted in English. Not even the reprint sets, Dark Beginning 1 and 2 wanted to touch this guy. Not that anybody is complaining.

Mutavault - Magic the Gathering

Sliver Mutant Ninja Turtle!

This guy is a reprint from Morningtide, and a very clever one in my opinion. Morningtide was part of the two-set tribal block called Lorwyn. Lorwyn had a group of shapeshifters, the Changelings, who could become any and all creature types. Mutavault is essentially Mishra's Factory meets changeling.

So why is this a good reprint for M14. M14 has Slivers. Slivers give their abilities to all other Slivers (originally all Slivers in play, but now just your Slivers to reduce board complexity). Since Mutavault has all creature types, Mutavault counts as a Sliver. This also brings up the amusing fact that it's also a Sliver Pirate Praetor Samurai Slith Artificer etc. It can be a Sliver that knows every single occupation, making for an impressive resume.

Zephyr Charge - Magic the Gathering

I feel like I could replace "flying" with "horsemanship".

This card feels very weird to me. Why? First off, it's a common non-Aura Enchantment. Modern Magic very, very rarely prints non-Aura Enchantments at common. Some notable exceptions are the Seals, the Expeditions from Zendikar, and Oblivion Ring style removal. There's nothing wrong with this type of enchantment at common, but it just feels weird to me.

Second, the quote. Sun Tzu's The Art of War is a real book. In the core sets, it has been okay to quote real things on the cards. Giant Octopus for example has an appropriate quote from Jules Verne. But recently, this practice seems to be waning, the idea being real world quotes take away from the immersion in a fantasy world. Again, I have no problem with real world quotes, it's just something they haven't been doing much recently, making it feel off.


Overall, this card reminds of Levitation, the version with Jim Murray's artwork. Both arts use the concept of flying horsemen hovering over the battlefield. Both cards also fill similar niches, enchantments that give your guys flying. The thing is, out of the box, Levitation feels like a better card than Zephyr Charge. Zephyr Charge however feels like it was meant to be played in Limited. It's a common card the gives flying without the drawback an Aura has of getting two-for-oned. Better Limited players tend to be very wary of Auras, unless they happen to be very good, because they're afraid of card disadvantage. This card however helps dissuade that fear. This card however can grant multiple creatures flying, without the danger of being lost if that creature dies.

Shadowborn Apostle - Magic the Gathering

Well, M14 has now been fully spoiled, it's time to take a look at some cards. Note, I haven't played with the set yet, this is just my thoughts on some of the new cards, my likes, my dislikes, and their future potential. Now, we're starting with this:

I wonder if the text once said "twelve creatures".

This card has a really neat concept, and really neat rules text. The guy that stands out in my memory with similar text is Relentless Rats from Fifth Dawn. Art is neat to. If you look closely, you can see five other robed figures in the background. Oh, and a smoldering corpse on the altar, unsure if he was a member of the Shadow groupies.

My Johnnysenses tingle with this card. I once tried to make a Biovisionary deck that loaded up on guys like Clone so I could copy the guy and activate its text. A similar strategy could work here. Problem is, the Biovisionary deck copied guys to win the game. This would be a lot of work for little reward, spending a bunch of one-cost and four-cost guys to get one big guy. My one idea is using something like Immortal Servitude, summoning all the Apostles from your graveyard. Bloodbond March and Thrumming Stone might be fun too! Regardless, it's going to take a lot of work and effort to make this guy work. This is a good example of a card that excites some players (like me), but others will find utterly useless.